Editor's Cut
by Genius-626
Summary: SPOOF ALERT. Zach Staenberg wants revenge on the Wachowski Brothers for being perfectionist freaks of nature, but how far will he go to exact that revenge?


**A/N: Hello, faithful readers. I think this has to be my most random thought yet. By far, I don't think it could get weirder than this. I don't even remember how I thought this up…I actually think I got the idea in Spanish 2 or something. **

**Yeah, school just started three weeks ago. Senior in high school now! (half hearted hazzah...) Shaved my head and now I feel like I just got out of my pod. Why is it that guys can shave their heads without anyone wondering, but girls can't? Whatever, different story, let's move on shall we?**

Editor's Cut

"God damn you, Cypher!"

Neo looked at Trinity again, forcing his eyes away from the two dead bodies laying on the floor. He began to see his life flash before his eyes, even though he was now convinced that the majority of his life hadn't been real—and then all his fear left when he heard Trinity's continuation…

"You stay away from my ice cream sandwiches, you bastard!"

"…Wait, what?" Neo blurted out, in complete disbelief. "Let me get this straight. Cypher gave Morpheus to the agents, killed four people and threatened you with the creepy ass crush he's been hiding for all these years…just to get to your stash of _ice cream sandwiches_?"

"You told him?" Cypher yelled from the real world. "I thought Morpheus was the only one who knew besides me! So you really are in love with this guy!"

"Since when could you hear Cypher on the other end?" Trinity asked, irritated and embarrassed that he had heard all of that.

"I saw him in that last scene before it cut back to us, he was basically sitting on you."

Both Neo and Trinity felt a shiver down their spines.

(Somewhere, in a dark room at Warner Brothers Studios, Zach Staenberg is chuckling maniacally. He's finally defending his highly underestimated status as brilliant film editor as he messes with the video files one last time.)

"Whatever—where were we?" Trinity said, asking no one in particular.

"I was just about to—" Cypher was cut off by Tank, who hit him upside the head with a frying pan.

"What the _hell!_ You were suppose to electrocute me!" Cypher yelled, groping at his pounding head. "And where in the world did we get that _frying pan_?"

(The door was karate kicked off it s hinges, pieces of the wood splitting and hitting him in the face. Zack cringed as light from the hallway burst into the room. He looked up to see two figures look like shadows in the blinding light.

"_What_ do you think you're doing?"

This voice he knew all too well. It was Andy. Andy _Wachowski_. Thunder sounded in the distance, much too far away to make an actual effect on the mood. _Damn editing instincts._

"Wachowskis." He voiced as a whisper. The thunder was exponentially louder, lightning striking just outside his closed window even though it was a bright sun-shiny-day.

Zach tried to think of some snappy come back, like, _you won't get away with taking all the credit without paying for it!_ or, _you perfectionists are gonna regret ever hiring me!_

But before he could even open his mouth, they both sat down on either side of him and took the mouse.

"This is how you mess with the Matrix…")

Suddenly, a bus crashed into the TV repair shop. Trinity watched as someone threw someone out of the bus, that had to be going at least 60 miles an hour, and grabbed Neo. There was an explosion somewhere in there, but apparently, it wasn't very lethal.

"What the—" Trinity was interrupted by her own shock. In front of her was a kid maybe twenty years old. He looked like a nightmare from the late 80's transitioning to the 90's. His hair was hideous and disgusting, long and shaggy and over his eyes.

"DUDE!" he shouted, looking around. "This is bogus but radical at the _same time_!"

"Holy shit, what's going on?" Trinity growled, yet again to no one in particular. "Cypher? Cypher, what are you doing?"

"Fighting for my life here, Trin! SHHHK I think SHHHK breaking up SHHHK not eating SHHHK sandwiches SHHHK sentinels SHHHK—" he hung up.

"She'll never know!" Cypher laughed, high fiving Tank, who was now sporting a 70 foot long blond wig. But just as they were about to inhale their ice cream, the ship was ripped in half by a collision from _another_ ship. Before either could react, they were both sucked into outer space along with R2D2, completely unaware that they had even been outside of the earth's atmosphere in the first place.

"Captain," Spock said. "I believe we just pushed the _Millennium Falcon_ into an unknown aircraft. It seems to have come from a vortex that leads to a Post-Apocalyptic earth where machines have taken over and harvest humans for energy, inserting their minds into what is called the Matrix. Should we do anything to prevent this from happening to your home planet?"

After a moment of silence, Spock turned around to see Kirk sleeping in his chair.

"If the captain was sleeping, then who gave the order…"

He was too late. With a pinch of his fingers, Spock was also knocked out by Darth Vader. Uhura came from behind, attempting to fight him off by swinging her arms relentlessly. He caught her arms.

"Relax, they're only knocked out."

"Why?" she asked. "Why didn't you just kill them?"

"Because…I'm a Trekkie." He said, defeated. He lifted up his sleeve to reveal a _tattoo_ sleeve of all the main star trek cast when they were young. On his wrist, there was a rainbow star trek emblem with the words, "It's OK to be Takei." Just above that was a heart with "DeForest Kelley" written over it in an old English font.

("What?" Zach was amazed with what he was witnessing. "I don't even have those files on my computer! How are you doing this?"

Larry looked up from the computer. "Zach, you know the question."

Zach gulped, knowing this all too well. "What is the Matrix?")

Neo found himself on a bus with a strange assortment of people, driving down an unfinished highway. He looked over to his left.

"Sandra Bullock?" he said, confused.

She grunted. "Guys, you picked up the wrong one again!"

"What the hell is happening?" Neo exclaimed, finally noticing that they were speeding to their doom.

"No time to explain!" she yelled as they drove off the highway. They landed, to Neo's surprise, but ran over someone in the process.

"Shit, I think that was him!" Sandra yelled in frustration. She opened the door and literally kicked Neo out, forgetting about the explosion, but not caring at the same time.

Neo landed in the grass. What? He got up and realized that they weren't on the highway anymore, but in front of a lake house. Somewhat instinctively, he checked the mailbox. There was a letter. He opened it. It read:

_Don't you dare touch my ice cream sandwiches. Love Trinity. _

(Suddenly, realizing just how much control he had over the Matrix, Zach uttered both the director's last name. Lightning struck through the roof and hit both Andy and Larry. They fell dead at his sides.

Zach looked back to his computer. He was now the soul controller of the Matrix.)

**Yeah…hope you liked it. Sorry about those Keanu Reeves movie references, those were bad…**_**really bad**_**…but I couldn't resist, it's just too easy! And just in case you're not a big a nerd as me, I'll clarify: *There was a not-too-obvious Tangled reference if you caught that,* Speed, Bill and Ted's Excellent Adventure, Star Trek, Star Wars, and a hint of The Lake House.**

**I actually haven't seen The Lake House in its entirety. I've only seen the last few minutes when Sandra Bullock's character resists going to meet Keanu's character before the time is right, then the extremely awkward tonsil hockey there at the end. Don't get me wrong, I'm a romantic sap, but that kiss is just way too…sloppy for my taste. Shut up, that's the best word I could come up with! Of course, I haven't even seen _that_ scene in a few years, so maybe I'll give it a chance _eventually. _**

**Wachowskis, I'm sorry for killing you. That was a completely spontaneous idea. I love you too much to keep you alive…you'll understand one day…**


End file.
